It's been a while...

March was my last blog. So what's changed? In a word- everything. In another word- nothing. Confused? So am I. I seem to have aged one hundred years in just a few short weeks.

I graduated, thus I am officially an adult. I became an auntie so now have the responsibility of my new role. And I've been let down by just about everyone. All of this in the space of about six weeks.

I sit hear at my desk in the semi-dark with the patter of raindrops on my window and the dull boom of the television downstairs telling myself that I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. I've just realised that I say that because it is easy.

What I want to do is to sit in a tea shop in Hampstead, cut pictures out of magazines and stick them in my scrap book. I want to roam around a tucked away book shop browsing for hours just to randomly pick a book that I know I'll only half-read. But most of all, I don't want to have to worry about what anybody will think of my lack of city hardened ambition. My brain has cost £20,000 and I don't even want to have to use it.

I want to look but not see. I want to listen but not hear. I want time.

That's what university was for though, right? That's what I told everyone, anyway. Me going to university was three years of figuring out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life; the restbite between youth and adulthood. And now I am confronted with adulthood I find myself yearning for everything to stop.

Just stop.

But I can still hear the muffled conversation from the television below me.